is it considered a "problem" when you find a pickle slice in your bed in the morning or is it like a "super-awesome bonus"?
You answered the door when the cops arrived with a beer in one hand and a pillowcase over your head yelling "GAGA, OOH LA LA!"
I got a lot accomplished today, and the day is still young! I built a fort, hot boxed a fort, had a tea party in a fort, and now realizing how high I am.
how did you get vomit on both your shoulders. I mean think about it.
Slugs feel like vagina... thought you would want to know
some people wear their heart on their sleeve but you just wear your vagina on your face.
Ok roommate is officially weird. Just watched her microwave the same broccoli 3 times in a row and cry b/c she fucked it up. Wtf lol
come over. We can flirt with the criteria for substance abuse and talk about our daddy issues
Haha never eat brownies from a guy with batman pajamas
I spent all the money my grandpa gave me for Christmas last night….solid start to 2015
Tim is a child that you physically can't love because he makes it hard for you to even find anything redeeming about him so you debate leaving him forever at the gas station.
Tequila shots and throwing it at a bell.
This is dumb. I'll keep doing it.
At least they took the pillow of my bed before they had sex. My friends are so polite.
Jack said he hasn't jerked off in like two weeks and he's like a smoldering volcano who wants to bury you like Pompeii with his man gravy
you have 10 seconds to explain why the toilet is full of bread or its ALL GOING ON YOUR BED.
Randomize