my bed looks and feels like i need to buy plan b.
he fingered my asshole thinking it was my vag...I couldn't bring myself to tell him, mostly from shame for me and pity for him
easter eggs filled with ecstasy. it's what jesus would do.
he's 25, hott, and leaving for iraq tuesday, i wanna get in as much as possible...
your life is a nick sparks novel waiting to happen
My nose hurts from that stripper beating me with her tits
Ps you missed quite a show. I was for some reason whipping my hair back and forth and head butted the tip jar. It shattered and now I have a circular bruise on my forehead. All the bartenders hit the floor to get all the quarters.
He's writing a strongly worded email to Trojan right now
I TOLD YOU THE BARESKIN CONDOMS WEREN'T AS RELIABLE.
Literally just saw a 7 year old intently rub his penis on the metro. I'm not ready for this
Can we go one day without you telling me that your dick misses me
I would totes reciprocate the nip pic, but I'm sick with a piece of tissue shoved up one of my nostrils and I'm just not feeling that ambitious. Sorry.
So what if I got a tattoo on a bus, it was sterile.
I'm not wearing pants, but I'm wearing a tiara.
..needless to say, i got fired. But I'm in the parking lot tanning on top of your car... so its not all bad.
Sorry, my phone died and I decide to charge my vibrator instead. #priorities
I woke up with a giant paw print on the side of my face, my jaw hurts, and I have no idea how any of this happened.
Randomize
