I told her it just looked small because my balls were gigantic. She bought it.
Just farted cum and thought I shit myself. Crisis averted tho
shes still asleep dad put a lobster in her bathroom
The woman at the nail salon waxing my lip just showed me the strip with all the hair on it while smirking. Apparenltly 'you have a stache' can be communicated through a language barrier.
I just spent 10 min explaining to my mom how orange is a strange color. I think she knows
Just like to put it out there it's surprising how little reception a dog cage has
There's nothing worse than carrying your fairy crown and wings home wearing fishnets
We fed him just...so many bright colored crayons when he was blacked out. I hope he looks at his shits because this could be all for nothing
Turns out the guy I peed on gave me a ride back to my dorm this morning.
You are a god.
We took her out for fresh air and next thing we knew, she was stumbling around the backyard picking dead leaves up off the ground and putting them in her shirt to "save them".
It's just unfortunate that I still have the image of him having sex with me fresh in my mind
your phone died, so you started bawling in the bar
yeah that sounds like me
She wanted a dick pic so I sent her brett Favres dick pic then she asked why I have pictures of old men's beautiful dicks
You are ridiculously similar to a unicorn, and I want to fuck that unicorn.
wyd
Laying here debating on if i want a sandwich or an orgasm.
Randomize
