Let's hear it for middle of the street handjobs ladies and gentlemen
Big sunglasses are the new paper bag
ya. and they're way easier to confince girls to wear during sex
Do you think this abandoned cigarette has herpes? cuz I'm tempted.
does wine, beer, and vodka mix well??
dude, everything can mix, this is college.
He's a firefighter, who has his own band. I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
friends with benefits? more like friends with awkward sexual tension
you know it's bad when you need sunglasses to open the refrigerator
He was supposed to take me to a nice dinner, but istead all he did was get drunk and throw lit fireworks at me.
They don't exactly give out small business loans to start-up dealers
Is it possible to just pretend that everything we did after grilling up your goldfish didn't happen?
Well, my nose won't stop bleeding from really bad cocaine and my purse is full of plastic gold coins. Also, someone saved in my phone as "tyrannosaurus sex" won't quit texting me. Savannah won. Let's put it that way.
your cat followed me a mile away from your house. if it doesn't come back, i'm sorry, but I needed to get laid tonight.
Just realized I'm going to have to make you sign a non-disclosure agreement before my wedding.
Come over. We're getting stoned and watching DogTV
Promise me you will not let me do anything sexual with or to a mini horse no matter how drunk we get. Ever.
Randomize
