is it bad that the economy has gotten so bad that finding cheap gas gives me the same excitement and joy as finding a hot, blonde haired, blue eyed, tall, athletic single straight guy?
he just kept saying that he had liquor dick..then he tried to fuck me without removing his pants.
I bought a nasal spray, my nose needs to be in order by the weekend
My alcohol tolerance is way too high for this paycheck.
Now there are two cop cars. If I go to jail I just would like to thank you for making me wear boxers.
i just successfully used the word "hymen" in a paper...welcome to senior seminar in lit.
On the bright side since it was a Tuesday you weren't even in jail for the long! that could've been worse!
It's not like I ment to feed you the shots of vodka, my hand just kinda slipped.
I would have dumped her already but between the 4 hr bjs and our shared love of enjoying thirsty Thursday naked while watching basketball I'd say its the best shot at love ill ever have
Just saw a man in a motorized chair roll by drinking a beer. It's 9:45 AM. I love Louisiana.
He looked me deeply in the eyes and said "I don't want this to be the last time I see you.. Can I follow you on Instagram"
The groom's brother was an accomplishment. Then I remembered he was also the officiant. Check and check.
Those boxers don't belong to me anymore. They belong to the desert surrounding Phoenix.
We couldn't leave for the bar until he spent 10 minutes adjusting his vaporizer. I want to drown him in beard oil.
Who’s got two thumbs and just got laid in the administration building?
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