oh good, I think they're gone
the painters?
my herpes
Someone took a freaking dump on a roll of toilet paper. Next to the toilet. No shit in the toilet. Just on the roll of toilet paper.
so i slept on a park bench last night...no hobo
you stole their roomba and ran out the door so that you could 'set it free'.
we found you passed out on lawn and the roomba bouncing back and forth on the sidewalk.
The dean held back my hair as I was puking after graduation. That means so much more than a diploma and a handshake.
he thinks im joking when i say don't visit. i mean it's summer...he was the college fuck and now it's time for the summer fuck
I think this baby is eyeing my beer
Just coat-checked 2 backpacks full of 40's...it was the bouncer's idea.
just got the results back. i love his dick even more now i know its clean
So that 100 days of sobriety thing I told you about last week? Lasted all of 4 days. Fuck it, life's too short
Snow days are when you really appreciate that your neighbor is on your bang roster.
We should probably start extreme couponing for the morning after pill.
Can we relax the "married man" rule just once?
I'm that daughter that had to send her mother "DON'T GET SHITFACED" & yes, in ALL CAPS.
Is it too early to start looking for freshmen penises to corrupt with our liquor and yoga pants?
I was just wondering the same thing! Gotta be any day now
Randomize
