we have to go try and show our tits so we can get ID-free drinks at applebees
How the hell can the Olympic committee frown so much on weed and yet put on a show you would have to be high to actually enjoy?
i just went to use the bathroom this morning and I couldn't because there was someone puking in every stall. i'm going to miss the dorms this summer
I feel like vodka or no vodka, you'd still be trying to button your cat into your comforter
she's crying while babbling "all i do is win"
dude, you cant keep using "she roofied me" as an excuse to bang all these fat chicks
we fucked the fort apart but we'll rebuild it after we get some drinks.
Are you awake? Because I would like to know whether or not I should refrain from giving my evil laugh when I enter the apartment...
Did copperhead road at the bar. All the girl next to me did was stare at my glorious bouncing tits. CAN I FUCKING HELP YOU?? I worked hard for these tits.
I really don't think there's anything more liberating than farting.in a loud bar where no one.can.hear you
Ive been high since the plane left the ground in Los Angeles and Ive been in Chicago. Right now, Im on a train headed towards downtown to go to an anime convention. At this point, I am just taking life as it comes, furries and all.
I'm going to book club and then I'm going to get laid. Being in your 20s ain't so bad sometimes.
It's not my fault, Tequila turned all my alarms off.
you scattered cereal all over the floor so you could "re-trace your steps and figure out what happened." 20 min later you yelled about the mess and let the dog in to clean it up. 5 min after that you screamed since the cereal was gone. you suspected me and locked me in the bathroom so i could "think about what i'd done"
and you bit everyone who tried to let me out. no more tequila for you. EVER.
You don't know happiness until you've got to smoke weed inside taco bell and then eat all you want for free
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