new midget porn idea. Wizard of Jizz: Munchkins Revenge
I was thinking about baking his mom "sorry you found out i was sleeping with your son" cupcakes
she refuses to pay for the plan b and so do i. it's the most dangerous game of chicken i've ever been involved in. but i have my pride.
This is one of the fundamental differences between you and I. If I found meat in a plastic bag, I wouldn't put it in my mouth.
note to self, drunkenly bedazzeling the silverware was a stupid fucking idea
You Were screaming "Im trying to get it in" and "stop cock blocking" while i threw you in the car
Made out with a girl in a wheelchair and rode her around while I was blackout. On a new level.
I was dressed as bob Ross as this occurred
THERE IS AN ENORMOUS FAT WOMAN EYEING MY FLIGHT'S GATE LIKE IT WOULD BE DELICIOUS TO EAT.
I just wanna get hammered somewhere crazy. Meet some chicks. Bang them and then go scuba diving.
I knew you were super hungover. But so hungover you fire our house cleaner because her vacuums too loud is excessive
i love it when bitches who pick on you in high school get fat. thank you facebook you have made my day.
you know you're in deep when you watch fear and loathing in las vegas and every damn scene is relatable.
3 cups of coffee and some molly. The "Tay's Day Off Diet"
I've got a bottle of water, a bag of salad greens, and a bottle of hot sauce. How stoned do you think I am?
If the guys trying to booty call text me could see me right now in some raggedy pajamas with toothpaste down the front of my shirt eating pepperoni out of the package they might change their minds
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