I wanna blow your doors off so bad right now.
Doors?
Rock your world. Blow you out. Skeet skeet.
i am sorry to ask, but i need y0ur honest opinion . when i turn sideways to someone, does my nose stick out like a beak ?
Shitting during a conference call is so empowering.
Hows this for an invention: a toilet that weighs your poop
i don't think my dad can get all that mad since he got arrested for almost exactly the same thing last weekend
The kid that passed out is still in the bathtub filled with ice and the empties
Hypothetically how does one go about throwing away a dildo?
Would it be weird if your parents sold me weed?
Oh, cold wet seat on the 48! Are you piss? Are you the sweaty ass leavings of an obese person? Are you the spilled King Cobra from the night before? I do not know! I dare not smell to find out... Pants ruined...
Ex-boyfriend shit on a ping pong table at a party last night. Taking "party pooper" to a whole new level.
WTF ARE YOU DOING IT'S FUCKING VEGAN COFFEE IT'S MADE WITH NUT MILK YOU'RE NOT A FUCKING SQUIRREL.
My history professo slid into my DMs. Granted I did give him “fuck me” eyes during a lecture a few times.
Congratulations! We have a period
andy told me i got kicked out of the bar and was so drunk i forgot and got back in line. the bouncer was zero impressed
Call me Sherlock Holmes, bitch.
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