It's Friday. Sex?
I woke up this morning with my shirt on upside down.
You mean inside out.
No, upside down. I ripped the neck hole in the process of getting it around my waist.
you dont have to exercise, you threw up last night!
Only your vagina holds the key to what happened last night.
Eventually evolution will just give us a better liver anyway, so our great great grandkids should THANK us for our binge drinking.
She asked the taxi driver to stop at the Texaco because she had to puke. She did then stumbled into the gas station and bought a 40.
I'm really good at handling things like foreskin and speech impediments.
it doesn't matter, he's just a life support system for his dick
Whatever she smells like compost and feathers.
I believe they call that patchouli.
I just bought emergency deodorant at Dominick's and put it on in front of a homeless man while waiting for the bus. He laughed and said 'girl, you a mess'. This is my life.
This day took a left turn at "This is your going away party, I got a bunch of blow."
I'm giving head in a stairwell, I'll be back in a few minutes. I'm so ashamed.
Just had my butthole waxed. If that changes your plans for Saturday..
He walked upstairs in nothing but his boxers and drunkenly asked my brother for a condom....so much for a good first impression.
His beard looks like it smells like beer, cocaine and old pussy juice
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