I walked into cold stone and the guy started preparing a supersized birthday cake remix for "Mrs. Munchies"
how come everytime i call mom shes doing tequila shots
he told me he expects me to keep the fangs on when i go down on him. presumptuous, yes, but man after my own heart.
She said I walked up to the McDonalds counter and ordered just a cup full of pickles then proceeded to offer some to everyone in the place.
I apparently spent $173 at the bar last night. The proof is in the vomit on my pillow and the receipt I tried to clean it up with.
I was trying to be an adult about it and simply deal with the situation, but a bowl seemed much more comforting.
There are so many Jimmy John's employees here
Where are you?
Jimmy John's.
I made Mark strip for me and do a stripper dance. I put 2 dollars in his mouth
Can't tonight. I'm supposed to get drugs for some college kids. Just doin my part in helping to enlight america's future
I like to imagine god has to get plastered to deal with the fact that he made you and me
I just threw up all of my lunch in the Barnes & Nobles parking lot. Rockbottom tastes like a veggie burger, in case you were wondering.
Is it sad that I planned a a romantic trip to dunkin donuts for and with myself on Saturday, then added an equally romantic after midnight stroll through the half off candy sale? I find that worthy of adding a few cats to my collection agree?
We told you to act sober so to prepare yourself you started doing squats and stretching then you slapped yourself and walked in
Probably some sort of karmic revenge for me looking at titties somewhere along the way
and for that you shall suffer
God: I won't strike you down, but I shall introduce your child to Doja Cat during a quarantine
Alex thinks he can revoke my dick privileges haha.
Isn't he the one getting all the privileges ?
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