Remember when I use to call my dick 'the pendulum'
wtf?
It is now the artist formerly known as 'insideyourgirlfriend'
So we stole all of the newspapers out of the stands within a 1 mile radius and filled up her car with crumpled newspaper.
Who leaves their car unlocked at night?
Someone who wants to read the newspaper.
So as she is about to take the walk of shame she flips out. Apparently someone left a brown present in her shoes.
im the poster child for why you shouldnt play beer pong with wine.
i lnow ive slrrwsdy teted you this. but goddamn girl on tv is a good song
I'm pretty sure I just had a convo with my hot pockets about how they weren't good enough for the oven.
Apparently I took one a huge picture off the wall at the bar and was walking around dancing with it..
I feel like everytime I call him he's either fucking or getting into trouble. It's really disturbing that he presses the answer button and then proceeds to fuck her harder.
Lazier than spoon feeding yourself popcorn and debating adult diapers so you don't have to leave the mentalist marathon on tv?
ummm im also counting the $14 dollars I gave the old guy to pay for the cab I called for him to take to the hospital last night as part of ur present.
We had sex on roll out bean bag chair, and then proceeded to sleep with a blanket with dolphins on it. Happy birthday to me.
All I have in my new place is coke and a treadmill.. it's workout Wednesday
I did get to watch you pee, tho. That counts as another precious moment.
It's like I'm getting a welcome home parade with sex!
You've got the chocolate, drugs and my pants. You hold all the cards...
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