some crying dude holding an empty fifth of burnetts just showed up at our door and asked 'do i live here?'
Yeah we call her cincohandjabos because she gave 5 guys handjobs one night in 5th grade
donating our bodies to science does not justify what were doing to them.
In related news, I couldn't want to blow you more if your dick made harmonica noises.
Lets both be adults and never talk about last night again.
you were caressing the jar of pickles then you looked down and whispered to them "I want you inside me"
I am the only person I know ever to have been brought TO the bar in the back of a cop a car. Twice.
Nothing like drunkenly buying a pregnancy test at 8 am to get out and realize your nip was out the whole time.
Im gonna go for the gay guy. The ginger is freaking me out.
DICK-CITY HERE WE COME
He's good looking but he really sounds like kermit the frog, can you imagine how fucking him would sound like?
Let's be honest, I've seen a decent amount of dicks in my life and very few of them have been worth all the trouble.
New rule: if someone asks if you would like to snort a xanax the answer is no.
I didnt know whether I was going to vomit or orgasm because I was feeling both sensations
Things change once you put a ring on it. 5 years ago if I had morning wood she would have gone nympho on that. Now I am just lucky if she touches it rolling when we sleep.
Randomize
