she looks like someone took a bunch of spare parts and glued them all on one face. it's quite horrifying.
Dude, this old lady messaged me on Facebook talking about her grandson and wanted to know shit about me. I'd almost call her a cougar except she looks like mashed potatoes that have come alive.
so exactly how many freshman chicks did i tell to call me "the tripod"?
moving back to school this early was a terrible idea we already used up our bail fund
She gave me a handjob while eating a mcdouble with mayo on the way home from the bars at 2 in the morning. Car was full of people. This could be forever
idk what id do withouhrh yoy btro
It really ruins the moment when you have to ask to resend the nude pics.
We are probably going to have to use your boobs as currency to get this done
I seriously think my heart may fail. And I didn't even grab a toilet beer :(
The bouncer called to give me my shoes back when I got there he said " I'm all cool with fuvking bitches but when you try to to do it in my bar on the pool table you're gonna get chocked out every time"
At least you got your shooes
Where are you? We're in between the guy dressed as a giant inflatable penis and the Justin Bieber lookalike lesbians
Does the penis have a genital wart?
Is it weird that I'm mad at my boss because he isn't paying me enough attention? Maybe my dad issues are worse than I thought
You told me you were trying to learn all the MLB ballparks while you waited for your porn to load.
LOL he's a hopeless romantic now? 🤔 I'd say giving him a bj in a freakin softball dugout isn't the most romantic thing but it still happened
sarah's view on last night: a threesome to make things less awkward. oh, well done.
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