there's a sign at taco bell and it says "bacon and ranch make everything better." it speaks to me.
Just made a makeshift menthol by rolling a listerine strip into a regular cigarette... Poor? Who, me?
i ordered 12 mcnuggets at mcdonalds and ended up getting 20. for free. miracles really do happen when your high.
Post-sex chicken soup was such a good idea. It's been like an hour and I'm still applauding myself
I think our camping neighbours like us. We're the drunk girls trying to chop firewood with no pants on at 3 in the afternoon.
I am in macy's and just straight up heard an old lady taking a crap in her depends.
I do believe at one point I was dispensing medical advice while wearing your sombrero and a hulk hand
Breaking into his house to steal the sheets I'd drunk pissed on before he got home was not how I wanted to be spending spring break
How bad would it be if I asked him for my "ho ho ho" thong back? They're my fav christmas pair!
I walked out ot my car in the morning thinking there was a sandwich I left there from yesterday. Then later that day I was checking the mail and saw the other side of my car :/
It concerns me the most that u were potentially going to eat a day old car sandwich.
I know how to kill a man with nutmeg and a sword. You in?
Or nah
I swear I get as excited about the sound of a condom wrapper as my cat gets when she's getting a can of food.
I accidentally brought up how there used to be a big tree in his yard, which I could only have known if I had been Google mapping his house.
He bedazzled a shirt for me that said "best head giver" should I be thankful for the gift or concerned that he has a bedazzler?
That's true. Ask me when I'm not fucked up. Nvm hold on. Btw. Wikipedia dinosaur. It's fascinating
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