I never want to see another naked old woman again.
I like daylight savings. I don't care if it's 4 oclock it's not daydrinking if it's dark out
seek help.
my phone cant type all the emotion im having
Doing lines of cocaine in the bathroom and the word 'better' do not belong in the same sentence.
Why am I the only one concerned that there's a dog in the movie theatre?
Last I saw him was around 10 this morning. He was passed out on the porch with his head under the barbeque cover and there were cups of orange juice around him as well as loose tobacco spread everywhere. Good luck getting a hold of him.
My sister was crawling her way home and kept asking us to carry her,then she insisted on grabbing at our ankles til she passed out, how was your night?
I just witnessed my first non cocain induced sunrise in five years.
Not my cup of tea
Confession: Sometimes I wear my stolen scrubs to the corner store because people will think I'm a doctor and not just a girl too lazy to change out of her pajamas.
Sent him a picture of my pregnant boobs from last year, think he'll notice the difference?
Pitting the remainder of the bottle against my hangover. I'm expecting an all out cage match for my soul and wellbeing.
Try to make ecstasy cheese. Capitalize on the molly and greek yogurt trends. MARKETING
I caught a glimpse of his penis. I can only imagine what your mom's vagina goes through because of that penis
We only initially bonded over boobs and sarcasm
Remind me to tell you: When threeways go awry, my MLK weekend story.
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