Sometimes I wonder if we could be friends if we lived closer.
I think the neighbors upstairs are trying for more kids. I want to run up there and yell "mazal tov!"
she has tattoo'd to her hips "grip here" this is why they made spring break
I'm just saying, asking "Are you happy with me?" during a handjob is simply unfair and scientifically inadmissiable.
YOU DID DRUGS AFTER A THREESOME WHO ARE YOU TO JUDGE ME?!!?
We were messing around at his place it was going fine until he said, "I'm going to cum, hand me the shot glass"
My intervention, when it happens, should have vanilla cake....buttermilk icing.
After a crazy night, morning sex is just trying to find a position where you can thrust without getting seasick.
Grandma and I are gonna see the new Tarzan movie, because we both appreciate shirtless Swedish men
I opened my eyes to the dog snorting coke, I decided it was best to just close my eyes and forget what I saw
Whats a polite way to say 'if you havent put on a freshman 15 i would like to see you during break'?
Thanks. I just smoked a bowl topless so I'm in heaven right now.
You took your shirt off at the bar, handed it to a girl, and made her wash your dirty shirt on your washboard abs
tuesdays get the best of me...
I'll get the most aesthetic strap on, you'll see
The neighborhood cougar just purred at me while I was doing yard work. I’m terrified and tumescent
Randomize
