I gave him a handjob while watching the presidential address. Needless to say, it was weird.
i wanna give whoever invented massage chairs a blow job.
She fucking ripped my chandelier out of my ceiling. How does that make her a keeper?
His little brother just walked in, asked me if I'd blown his brother yet and then announced that he and his friends were going to play outside so we could play too.
I may have to steal the boat sober, but I feel that would be harder to explain.
i wore just an American flag as my costume-huge success. 20 people pledged allegiance to my ass including a senior frat boy at the keg. God bless America.
Would I do it again? Probably not but still,I don't regret a single ratchet thing I've done in college.
I fucked your neighbor. Welcome to the new apartment!
So high I legit spent 20mins in the shower just holding my tits cuz they feel bigger than normal.
Just by hearing the girl outside reciting the info on her fake ID, I know it's gonna be a good night
He was 6'8" - I shit you not! He sat up in my bed and the ceiling fan got him right in the forehead.
taking shots alone in my kitchen before I go learn to give a lapdance. when did this become my life?
When I meet her I'm going to have to resist the urge of saying "hey! We're Eskimo sisters!"
...blackout vacation is awesome. Where did you end up? I think i'm in Miami.
Hospital.
doc says my ankle might be broken, they're going to do xrays. He asked me what happened and I told him if he could find out that would be great.
Randomize
