everytime i eat a fruit i feel like i'm eating ovaries
he wouldn't shut up and let me sleep
yeah i got into a fight with my man last night
why can't men just shut up and put out?
He was crying to my sister about feeling like a bad person. Then he groped my breasts.
is 1am too late, or too early to make bacon?
small problem..I have a major exam in the morning so I might have to go to the library after the party
so no drinking for you?
don't be silly
Last night I dipped into my beer fund to pay for groceries. SINCE WHEN ARE MY PRIORITIES SO WHACK???
we managed to turn Dream Phone into a drinking game. don't hate.
He skyped me to learn how to roll a joint and for us to masturbate together. And you said a long distance relationship wouldn't work.
I'm so disappointed in myself I can actually taste it.
Does it taste like semen?
Milk that cash cow for all the shots she's worth
I really just want to eat 20 mcnuggets and slap everyone with the box when I'm done.
i have a raging boner for Saturday, day drinking is one of my top favorite things right next to alligator wrestling and blowing shit up
he's a ginger AND was born with 2 holes in his penis. sleeping with a rare species & I LOVE THE THRILL
You dove at him but passed out mid dive. Shame it wasnt a costume party your superman suit wouldve been clutch in the situation
Don't be upset because I bitch slapped you with intelligence
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