I love black thongs
im dressed up like a present. waiting for someone to unwrap me ;)
this is your brother
I mixed the ketchup wit the mustard in one bottle to save time making hotdogs
My gaydar just like overheated and exploded watching the male figure skaters on the olympics
Just saw an old lady vomit in a trash can at the airport. I instinctively called her a pussy. College has ruined us.
Call me next time you want to get irresponsibly drunk when we have grown up things to do the next day.
Wake up we need to beat the walk of shame rush hour
She had a cast on when I met her, but she blamed me for breaking her arm this morning. I'm gonna marry this girl.
Yea we just broke up
so do we start sexting now or later?
He convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. He slurred every word. I think I found my prince charming.
We had sex on a dog bed..
There is a Victoria's Secret pageant on right now with Taylor Swift singing in lingerie. I didn't know a penis could get this erect.
Dude, you GARGLED with bleu cheese last night!
She looks like a character that batman would try to kill, or something.
still drunk.please come get me.he kicked me out because i couldn't stop laughing about passing out in the middle of taking his virginity.
Randomize
