i think i may have caused an international incident at the french embassy, just fyi
hahaha how?
its a long story involving a horse trailer and some shrubbery
one more question, do you know why i woke up with 5 pounds of quarters, nickels and dimes in my pocket?
I'm drunk in class and I'm pretty sure the bible freak behind me is saying a prayer for me
why is there a handicap sign in the bathtub and an exit sign in the kitchen?
lets deal with that after we figure out where i am
answer the phone. i thought i was eating cheese but it was butter. i ate a lot of it.
hey, this is the drunk ass freshman from last night. thanks alot for helping me out last night, i'd probably be on some lawn if it wasn't for you guys! and my mom says thanks for talking to her
Being invited to eat tater tots at 1:30am by a rly hot girl then actually only eating tater tots is a major let down. Tasty, but still a let down
I SMOKED SO MUCH I SKIPPED A DAY.
FYI the blow job was for papa johns pizza
I regret 8000% nothing
I found three naked dudes in your bed this morning. Did we have a really weird break in or do you need to tell me something?
the best part is that i get to keep the pot plants and he still has my name tattooed on his ass
I'm going to be such a slut in Europe I've already decided
Send me dick pics. We'll make a scrap book
Real life skills section of my resume: blow jobs, food knowledge trivia, sarcasm, mascaera application, sexting, tolerance of rail liquors
I just passed a lady driving with a cat in a sweater sitting on her lap with its paws on the steering wheel
Only you....
Pandemic Silver Lining: cheap hotel rates makes it easier to have afternoon fun with my side dick
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