matts gf stood and watched my naked ass gather my clothes off his floor this morning. sweet.
Who did Billy Mays play for?
Their flight hasn't even left yet and the 'buy food to keep yourself alive' budget is gone on tequila.
Did the math... it's Magna Cum Laude whether I get a 4.0 or a 0.0 this semester. I'm blacking out now, wake me up when I have to walk across the stage,
the thing I didn't realize I would miss about college is that at home you can't just dismiss your sex bruises as drunk accidents
After we drank 3, we built a raft out of the empties and installed the fourth submerged In the water to keep it cool. Keg boats are now a thing
This is one of those times I wish I had a time machine so I could go back and punch myself in the face to make me realize what I need to do before it's too late
i wore just an American flag as my costume-huge success. 20 people pledged allegiance to my ass including a senior frat boy at the keg. God bless America.
I swear she is the Mary Poppins of drugs
I'm more heavily invested in that tequila than you are
I'm wearing a sports bra. Of course I'm not getting laid tonight.
I have a burn on my hand, I'm covered in bruises, I think my toe is broken, and I have no clothes to wear home.
it was all good until mid make out when he announced 'i just came'. ...he wasn't joking.
the people in front of me have a grocery cart in their car... i missed college...
She said she didn't care that I was gay and wants to ride the fucking rainbow
Randomize
