he told me not be awkward when his girlfriend comes tomorrow. and then he made out with me
Five girls, one freshman pledge. We're like our own Make A Wish Foundation.
I just realized there's an entire generation of children that will never know Alex Trebek had a mustache... Sad.
I meant to tell you earlier: bad life decision saturday has been moved wednesday this week
Ladies, we have an appointment at David's Bridal aurora this coming Sunday at 3pm. And an appointment at where ever tequila is served at noon.
Just witnessed a bar fight started by a guy wearing a construction vest cuz he didn't like the other guys shirt
I would call you but I don't feel like these hands belong to me.
She is high at the bar - she thinks the bottle of frangelico is aunt jemima telling her to stop doing drugs.
Babe. You eat pussy like a god warrior sent from a galaxy far far away to destroy female genitalia with new realms of pleasure. That's how I know your not gay.
He was wearing an Affliction shirt, a Monster hat, and he asked me for anal within 5 minutes of meeting me. Like 3 strikes and you're out, bro.
just woke up. hair smells like weed and bbq. shins are bruised. vague memory of us chasing deer at the park at 3 am. fill me in on what exactly happened.
Just got a snapchat from him that was a video of with the caption "my new apartment" in Brazil. I think we might not be seeing eachother anymore.
He better be a good lay, these underwear cost $50.
SShout out to Barney the Dinosaur for teaching me how to sing the ABCs backward. I just scored a free pitcher.
Dude I left his house at 5:30 a.m. after you peed on his front door and then tried to fight me for my blanket. Don't even do that at my house or I will end you.
hahahahaha. Worst. Text. Ever.
Randomize
