The is a pregnant woman in this Chipolte wearing a shirt that simply says ‘OOPS!’ across the tummy.
That baby is bound to be under-loved.
can you imagine how much money lesbians save on birth control?!?
bitches.
the most drunk i have ever been? possibly. the most drunk i have ever been on a monday? definently.
okay just a general question, but if i got arrested, who here would bail me out. this is important.
I am so hung over a medically induced coma is beginning to sound appealing.
I want to put in my resignation as an adult. From now on I will be spending my time drinking beer and skiing.
And I don't know if this is really ESP, or just a crazy feeling, but I'm pretty sure he has an std. Or at least a cold.
I'm going to be drunk and braless all weekend. Let the festivities begin!
Dude, my ex girlfriend showed up, bought me a tequila shot, made out with me and then disappeared into the night. Then her current girlfriend saw, so she came over and slapped me and then I made out with her too
This was before halftime
I RUINED A LESBIAN RELATIONSHIP BEFORE HALFTIME
i just need to find someone who enjoys eating frozen waffles as much as I do. It will be perfect.
Tbh the only thing I was fully concerned about from the dream was what type of fucked up parallel universe doesn't have Coca-Cola
This is the perfect outfit to do ketamine in, I must say
he drank half a bottle of bushmills, stood up to pee over the side, pissed his pants, sat in the puddle on the deck, told me my life goals were stupid and impossible, and wouldn't leave until 5am. by the time I got up at 8 I had 4 texts and 2 fb messages from him. AND HE STILL THINKS IT WENT WELL
Told him I just wanted to be friends. He responded, "The best marriages are born from great friendships." Please come get me.
if you go to jail tonight, call call me. i wanna get out of work
Randomize
