i love my job...i have craft hour at my desk w twizzlers
can u grab me a application
If is anything like my past relationships, I have no doubt that I will single-handedly reignite the Cold War
If I get there and all he has for my big valentines surprise is his body, I'm dumping his ass and posting his dirty pictures on a porn site so people can laugh at him.
Chipotle just hit me... I want to go sit in the corner of the shower and cry until morning.
I told him finishing at the same time would be a long-term project. Like flipping a house. A sexual house.
I just got hit on at the bar by a guy who used his mother as a wingman, she was pretty convincing. Only in Stratford.
Then again, he has huge mansions.
*manboobs.
I wrote "fuck you meg" on my toaster strudel with the icing. I call it "passive aggressive breakfast"
It's like the bat signal. He only texts me when I'm naked.
I have a 30 minute video visit blind date tonight with a guy in prison. And it's costing me $9. ROCK... BOTTOM...
I could tell my life story through kermit memes
She's gonna be mad if she finds out you put weed in her house warming cookies
don't let your emotions get tangled in that sexy beard of his.
I spent half my night explaining that i'm in an open relationship to the guys that I liked, and the other half of the night explaining that I have a boyfriend to the guys that I didn't like.
My ovaries melted while we were talking. I almost told him I would suck his soul out through his dick
That would be a memorable parent teacher conference for sure
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