i celebrated the independence of our country by dry heaving tequila all morning. so classy. happy 4th.
You have problems? I'm 20 years old and i'm balding
i had to write a bad check to buy franzia last weekend. i have my priorities in line.
It's okay, I climbed on the roof of the bar to get my shoe back. This may become a Saturday tradition. I'll keep you updated
at what point did you think saran wrap was a better alternative to shoes?
You almost set me on fire last night.
You probably deserved it.
You didn't even properly utilize my pigtails.
I overcharge people for their weed so you can have yours for free, because I care
at work, .. 47 yr old boss was in a fight. 2 BLACK EYES. I may get fired. I cant stop laughing
Ended up in some house where this dude has a $1200 leopard cat
I wouldn't call us friends exactly. Honestly I just hang out with him so I can hit on his girlfriend. They won't last long, and I'll be there to pick up the scraps
In other news, I just sneezed and almost shit myself. What is happening to my life??
Pillow talk?
can't do it. no eye contact either.
Where have you been all my life
I just used a coke ridden $20 bill to buy Girl Scout cookies
that blonde bartender and I racked up an impressive mini bar bill last night
Mini bar? Did you get a hotel room?
Yeah, the last thing I need right now is a chick with an insane clown posse tattoo knowing where I live
That’s legit
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