We should write a comic book about the many adventures of your vagina. Maybe even give it a cape or something.
on my arm i have a score card from when we apparently had a competition to see who could harden his nipples fastest..
who won?
THAT is your concern right now?
today he pulled me aside to show me a lawn mower that he drew above his pubes. I saw his pubes in all their glory. Right there. In spanish class. Hola.
oh ps. last night you kept telling me to calm down because everything was fine cause you were getting "arab money"...
Thanks for the drunken voicemail of bird calls. Love and miss you, too.
She was so morning drunk she asked the lady at brueggers for a bandaid and my self respect back
I seriously don't understand how you keep getting laid.
Because I'm like the spider of false hope. I spin elaborate tales and snare them in my web of utter disappointment. They soon realize their mistake, but by then it's too late.
Well I'm sleeping with two of them cause they have nice cars. And the third cause she has a big rack. I'm just really waiting for it all to blow up in my face so I can find a girl I'm actually interested in
Update: I may or may not be in a cult
Update #2: I may or may not be the leader of said cult
We walked in and someone handed her an unopened bottle of jack with her name on it. She's like a drunken celebrity.
do i respond to the booty call for the guy with the bigger dick or the one who has the gourmet coffee i like so much? at this point i'm leading toward the coffee
Drunk level: ugly crying in the bar upon discovery of sweet tarts and not smarties.
I love how when he said ecstasy pills both of our heads whipped around like a couple of horned owls.
I successfully cockblocked 5 people in one night. I wasnt getting any, why should they.
Dude I had my dad cock block me once
Randomize
