They have glow in the dark condoms. That's so scary.
Something like a penis light saber.
he stopped mid-fuck to ask me how my day was....
You were waisted for 48 hours and the only 3 words you said were yup, sure, and michigan
woman puking in liquor store parking lot at 9:30 on a tuesday morning = best commute ever.
Just woke up with 34 slim-jims in my pocket. Too afraid to check the others.
Btw, I'm creating an event on fb to celebrate the one yr anniversary since we went to jail.
I'll be spending 4/20 on a cruise ship, so i need a babysitter to make sure I don't reenact Titanic
I rarely go in there. Unless it's for mini cadbury eggs and whiskey.
no, throwing your underwear at it is not the solution to everything
I'm in Starbucks carrying the boxes wine and the hubcap. So many judging looks.
This is going to be the time I got green body paint on Chris' ceiling all over again...
My main goal for tomorrow night is to make it back into my own bed
Just took a shot of 151, rimmned my middle finger in it, lit it on fire and lit a cigarette off it while flicking off my boss. How was your night??
sober me is not impressed with the quality of people that drunk me gives our phone number to
The air tonight was full of shame when we saw each other.
Well if u wouldn't have had sex on the front porch last night I think that could have been avoided.
Randomize
