so... i had sex tonight
with a midget
nicccce tits for a little person
Hahaha. I am actually really tight for having a kid. Like really really tight.
she handed me her phone while she blew me and told me to text her bf that she was at the store
I had to use the resin knife to take the staples out of my tax return forms. Tax returns and a search warrant?
On a positive note, new entry in my phone as 'HOT ASS, DOWN TO FUCK'. idk if its a boy or girl tho.
Update, its a couple
Shut up. It sucks being the ugly friend, I would know, but someones gotta play the role
You were too busy being proud of your penis shaped pancakes to notice...
Mass Text: Free blowjob to first person to bring me a nacho cheese chalupa.
Postcard from jail please. Reserving a spot on my fridge.
Just hit a cone using a lit sparkler. Tastes like I might die but it was magical.
I have this rep as a wingman for a reason. I'm like a poon caddy. "You might want to use a 9 iron on this hole. "
I'm glad your nude photos turned out "classy" but you cannot hang them in the living room.
Hey, if a dude can't randomly belt out Whitney Houston tunes from time to time, is life really worth living??
And somehow i feel like your expectations will turn out to be illegal in some way.
Why is no one on Snapchat tonight? I want to see other people having fun so I know it still exists.
Randomize
