you missed a midterm to shack? WOW. How desperate are you?
Time to put an end to this 'unprotected sex with crazy girls who have violent exes' trip I've been on so far this summer
lets make a pact to never make a pregnancy pact
watching espn. realized that the exact place those sportcenter guys are is where I got laid on the beach last superbowl. my sex spot is broadcasted nationwide
I just called my cat a slut and she responded. Proudest moment ever.
THAT stays in the CAR. And if one fucking person who was NOT in the car brings it up, I will KILL you. Thank you.
..So we should take it off Youtube?
You showed up to your dad's bday dinner late, dirty, and hungover then proceeded to yell at the bartender for trying to take advantage of you by putting extra bourbon in your drink... Highly doubt you win best daughter award.
I'm going to get like 25 drinks at their wedding and just leave them sitting around or give them to hobos.
I thought it was a drawer and tried to pull it out and it wasnt a drawer it was the police call button. I hate everything.
We had him convinced Visine is flammable. He was genuinely freaked out that everyone would know when he was stoned.
Totally clawed myself in the face during sex. I can die happy?
I try not to have friends with attractive fathers, it only brings my morals down.
I need to quit being a slut. It's to the point that I got my period today and automatically I Believe I Can Fly popped into my head.
You know you're too drunk when you start calling people out for unfollowing you on social networks.
I just masturbated at work... Don't know why but I thought you should know
Randomize
