Why did I cab home last night?
Because you said you were drunk, sad, and someone called you a hooker.
PS Can you transmit a UTI to a sexual partner? I tried to ask, but the doctor just told me to abstain (sup Bristol) for my own good w/o answering
I've drank myself into a smaller pants size. Who ever said alcoholism was unhealthy was mistaken.
Tostitos scoops are the best shotglasses ever. Eat it after as a chaser.
We turned everything surrounding BP and the oil leak into a "that's what she said" drinking game. We've been drunk for a month
A guy wearing a hard hat while floating the river. It's the most responsible drinking we saw all day.
My drunk neighbor is arguing with a goose in his yard. This was the highlight of my day.
Omg.....I raised my camera to take a pic at this presentation, and I wanted to zoom in, so I swiped my phone to the left and up pops my dick pic from last night.
I can't bring myself to turn around to see if pple saw it.
Seriously, I am going to crawl in a hole, sew my vagina shut, and spit acid on any man that comes near me.
I have no idea. But I feel like I could climb a mountain and then have sex on it.
Had a guy offer me a shot. But he wimped out when I asked for tequila and instead ordered gummi bear shots. I don't think he has balls. I didn't stick around to find out.
Tony's mom to him at breakfast: "I found the shirt you wore last night in the bushes this morning."
My joke about liking my coffee like I like my men IS ABOUT TO COME TRUE.
School supplies are right next to the margarita mix at target. Its a sign
I'm in the fetal position trying to figure out a way to get someone to deliver me pancakes.
Randomize
