So im at the gym and some guy has a tattoo of a hand doing the shocker... The douche bag bar has been raised yet again.
Eating hibachi. The chef is squirting sake into my mouth with a ketchup bottle. Happened twice, more to come.
it was literally the size of a crayloa marker. i didnt know what to do with it so i just sat there
the world took limewire and four lokos away from me in one week....hello depression
I just realized that two weekends in a row we ended up in a bathroom with two different boys asking us for a threesome. does this happen to everyone?
Also, at 1:30 I emailed myself saying, "are you there Margaret? It's me, god"
I was woken up at 4am by a stranger shaking my foot who said I looked like I needed a cigarette.
Oh, I never thought you were a dick. You were one of the best morally comprised ideas I've ever had.
Faking my way through an entire party as a British exchange student. Wish me luck.
I just figured out how I'm going to tie you to my bed. Hint: I may have to go to the auto parts store before you get here.
How drunk you think somebody has to be, that they think that putting out a profile pic like that can be even a slightly good idea?
What's with guys asking if I wanna "kick it" like I'm some fucking 19 year old
I want your attention. I want your attention in the form of your penis inside my vagina.
I was literally so lonely last night that I stopped watching a video on porn hub and just read the comments
Is it sad the checkout lady had to inform my mom she can't buy alcohol before 8am?
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