Strip flip cup NEVER equals good idea
i just put all of my beerlympics medals into my academic awards box. i would say they are my greatest achievement since college.
He walked me home last night across campus while i fed him pasta out of a solo cup at 3 am.
just got hammed at grandma and grampas 30th aniversary bash .. from the looks i was getting im guessing i wont be seeing an inheritance ...
My only objective is to get drunk enough to forget the last 364 days.
Got drunk and tried to deep fry burritos. Turns out wild turkey isn't a good replacement for vegetable oil. Nearly burned my house down.
Sober people should be as daring as drunk people more often, because honestly the fact you’ve lived so long is a sign that anything is possible.
i woke up in his neighbors pool house. Not sure how I got here but there is people swimming outside. how do I escape?
just fucking run.
Is there a reason there's a dick print on my seventh-story window?
we got kicked out of her coke dealer's house when we wouldn't stop quoting "a league of their own"
communist
I'm sitting in Starbucks, waiting for direction in my life, or it to be 8 p.m. Whatever comes first.
And I'm only telling you that because I really wanted to use 'my boyfriend' and 'dick biscuit' in the same sentence.
You're an idiot. I have LIVED as a cautionary tale of what happens when you drink too much and stick your dick in crazy, HAVE YOU LEARNED NOTHING?
I have the relationship skills of Miley Cyrus and I could've said this was a bad idea
There's going to be a velveeta shortage. I'm not drunk any more, this is just dire info.
I didn't want to fight, I just wanted to tell you to fuckoff.
Randomize
