i fell asleep last night with fifteen animal crackers in my mouth. rock bottom dude.
SEEEEXXX PLEASE
He lasted like 30 seconds. With a condom. I just expected more from the president of a frat.
She solidified the fact that the icon from Wendy's is the only ginger I care for
his dick is like his red hair, amazing but useless
Why was I handcuffed to the roof?
It was easier then trying to explain why you couldn't fly
Half my make-up was stuck to his thigh where I'd fallen asleep after the blowjob.
Well, I wanted to be you for Halloween but I couldn't fit seven dicks in my mouth.
Can you explain the plethora of sunflower seeds in the dryer?
My 12 o'clock class is an all star team of my ex's hook ups
Didn't think the day of being the oldest in a club would be when I'm twenty one. Even the bouncer looked surprised when he ID me.
I am the Angelina Jolie to his Billy Bob Thorton. We just don't work.
The struggles of a small town man whore
He lit a shoe on fire and tried putting it out by peeing on it
Already drunk, almost got in a fight with a bunch of irish chicks. And another with canadians. On my way to get a tattoo. I plan to regret this trip.
Randomize
