I think I took your hangover as a birthday present
i feel like arbor mist is too classy for that. you need a colt 45
Yeah you're right. The one time when arbor mist is too classy
Come over and play the Jeter 3000 drinking game. You drink if the commentators say "captain" or "3000". I'll drink if they say "overrated" or "past his prime".
a pansexual with facepaint started fucking a tall black girl on the bed i was sitting on so im going to mcdonalds
I'm about to pick up E from underneath a random doormat.......how is this remotely normal?
I mean I love some drunk compliments, but he just wasn't up to my low standards.
Made out with a mannequin all morning in cpr training, so im ready to party
Is it bad I'm drunk at orientation
You've been there for 12 hours, what are you supposed to be doing
Not be drunk
i knew it was love when she pulled a beer out from between her boobs and offered it to me
His parents came home, and now I'm hiding in a closet; awaiting death at dawn.
You are always hiding in a closet though??
I wanna trust fall face first on a penis.
I just had to explain to my grandma what a reach-around is. Too far..
Oh man I missed being single! Two different guys just sent me dick pics during my kid’s little league game.
I got so drunk last night that I was drunk in my dream. Good night
So how was it?
The cemetery or the sex?
Randomize
