oh and i really hope miley falls off this mountain she is climbing
Wow, this guy is harder to get rid of than gum in pubic hair
im trying to pick out the cookie crumbs from my adderall. it is a lot harder than it seems.
my family just sang happy birthday to baby jesus. no ones even drunk yet
I'm not saying we can't have sex tonight, I'm just saying we have to work it around Lost.
Yo dude either Brian has herpes or he was jerking off to Web MD 'cause I just walked in on him
I think his glow in the dark Star Wars sheets, at the time, really turned me on.
giving a 30 min presentation still drunk is like giving birth, upside down in a pit of snakes while being on fire.
You need to get here now. Before they realize I'm not puerto rican.
Sober now. I'm really glad I didn't try to make out with that guy who has a pregnant fiance
You better buy her a motherfucking bunnyrabit to make up for this. And me footsie pajamas for being a cockblock.
a large sweaty girl i dont know is sleeping in my bed. A scotish man and a small child looking dude are on the couches im on the floor sleeping and im ok with it
dude, you ran into a window then asked ME what the fuck I was doing.
When I told the bartender it was my 21st birthday, he looked at me all pissed and said "But you've been drinking here as 21 for the past 2 years.." How do you THINK the night went?
So I take it free shots were a no after that?
My boob job is like a master key that gets me in any door, any party and anyone’s pants! They’re magical!
Randomize
