God. I look like such a fucking stand up guy wearing polo shirts. You would totally trust me not to date rape you.
So you used a whole package of smoked meat last night. Didn't eat it, just took it out and put it all over the fridge.
explaining to a nurse how i all most cut my finger off playing beer pong, she def just hand me a AA booklet.
It's a drunk scavenger hunt.
Everything on the list counts for double points if done naked.
Well that's my green light to bang ur brother. Its not real til its on fb
Holy crap, church bells in Cibolo just scared the hell out of me. I'm pretty sure they were yelling sinner at me.
He didn't even realize I was drunk. He probably just thought I loved Torchwood so much that I no longer knew how to use my thumbs
I farted in his bed and then in my drunken stupor grabbed hair defanging spray to cover up the stench.
So the tow truck driver didn't charge us because Ian convinced him that he was sent out by God to share his cocaine with us.
I was going to say that I wasn't sure how that happened... but then I remembered that I bonded with the Australians over vitamins and INXS and they bought me tequila.
Tim is a child that you physically can't love because he makes it hard for you to even find anything redeeming about him so you debate leaving him forever at the gas station.
Apparently I'm some kind of sexual camel.
woke up on my floor using my jeans i wore out as a pillow
haha i wouldn't expect any less of you
Hey I had a great night last night but I don't want to lie to you I'm only 19 and that wasn't my place its was my cousin he's gone for the summer and I was just house sitting and watching his cat I'm sorry
I’ve basically been controlling him with my tits for months now, so I can’t even imagine what would happen if I start banging him
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