I walk of shamed back from his dorm in costume while his dad and brother were waiting outside to drive him home. his dad apologized to me. my life never gets old.
I just watched my mom open a wine bottle with an electric drill. I have never been so proud.
We've been fucking since Friday.... This is the most committed non-committed relationship I've ever been in
The lawn was on fire, but I fixed it.
We woke up, fucked, and shared a piece of my sister's first communion cake for breakfast.
And you thought you were going to hell last weekend.
hearing that almost makes me feel good about peeing on the coffee table
Her name is Sherri and her sister's are Brandy and Champagne. Of course I want to meet her parents.
I just bought condoms at Big Lots. please save this text so you can laugh at me in 9 months
He rode a broom down the stairs while we were mattress surfing. Naked. Buck ass naked. WTF
I haven't been motivated enough for a shirt. And only half the day was bra-worthy.
Just resonded to a booty call with "how much effort is required on my part?" I think I've finally reached the point of smoking too much pot
Either she's trying to smother me and failing, or she just has a really bad sense of where her tits should go.
All I remember is dance battling with a man named tom the entire time who kept buying me drinks so id say it was a success
You lost to your mom AND grandma in beer pong last night. pretty sure that constitutes a retirement from the sport
I know it's New Year's Eve but if you're going to have a bunch of chicks playing strip go fish in our apartment I need a heads up.
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