Oh please. You given/recieved a handjob out in public. I think that shy ship has sailed.
Am I really that high, or did I just spray febreeze outside ?
Yah... You need to get here. Evan just peed off the karaoke stage.
I tried to light my cup as a bong. I'm done drinking
I CALLED IT A FRIENDSHIP. NOT A I WANT YOUR MAN PARTS IN MY LADY PARTS-SHIP.
I now have a "weirdest thing a guy ever did in bed" story. Cut my fingernails.
Yeah I'm gonna need you to stop it right there.I know this is supposed to be a safe space but Imma have to exit.
I take Paypal, cash, sexual favors, and roasted red potatoes with garlic as payment. You choose.
Lol for real, I'm Kylie Jenner "this is my year of realizing things" right now
Just had to read the instructions to my microwave. How am I so high?
Yeah it got awkward when the two guys we were playing beer pong against realized that I'd hooked up with both of them. Their teamwork declined after that.
Sooo...you're driving 6 hours for free booze?
Don't judge me.
I have so much to do, no motivation, and Harry Potter is on. You KNOW whats taking priority in my life right now
Upon further investigation my nipples are bruised and I have teeth marks all over.
You fucked him, didn’t you?
He showed up at my house with tacos, rum and a negative Covid test. Of course I fucked him. I’m just a simple girl that likes tacos, not Margaret Thatcher!
I mean, who hasn’t been fingered in there back of an Uber?
Randomize
