As my groomsman, I expect you to learn the Thriller dance with me before next September.
So I tried to call my phone from his phone and was like, "hey, my name is not in here..I thought you had my number" turns out he has my number saved as "gives good head"
I just bought a CD. I feel like a traitor to my generation.
i told her my name was noah and she leans in and whispers "that makes me so wet." ive never been more thankful for the Notebook
I just ate a whole bag of celery instead of getting up to get a glass of water. That high.
You said you couldnt get the condom on but "its the thought that counts"
You picked me up and threw me on a barstool and shoved shots in front of me.
Thats like the definition of a good friend
he was holding the bottle like a running back yelling for security and the national guard as he was being tackled
Those thigh tattoos deserve the handsomest of grins between them. Dont settle.
I have so many feelings about this burrito
you flipped over the sheets and there was my bed. filled with ding dongs.
it wasnt that bad
you tried to climb into my fireplace while screaming TO DIAGON ALLEY! we didnt even watch harry potter. it was bad
Tonight I learned to never try to impress your ex by dancing on the stripper pole while drunk. That’s how you end up in the ER
its 8 and I'm HUNGOVER!! how is that possible??
i just found a pair of your underwear stuffed behind my harry potter books...was that on purpose?
haha no, it was majik
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