OMg patrick swayze is the sexuest man he is killing me I'm gonna get dehydrated if I don't stop looking at him
bang him and never speak to him again. also, queef in his face.
i dont this its possible to queef on command.
Things I've learned: after you move in with a girl it's much less satisfying to wipe your dick on her sheets after sex because now they're your sheets too
i have received so many congratulations texts this morning. sleeping with him really was a good decision.
didn't know how to tell his mom I was confused about how long we'd been together because we banged for a full year before making it official
I have vodka an food stamps. At some point today, that will undoubtedly turn into jello shots.
I'm gonna have to fantasize about her dying just to get off.
you ate dog biscuits in front of my dogs and laughed at them for not have opposable thumbs
She's riding a bike down the street and drinking brown liquor. A pt cruiser is honking at her and she's like I HEAR YOU!!
Wanna get really high and go on a Valentine's Day Sexathon cause we're both single or would that be weird?
You just said you hate yourself then sent me a picture of your friend's penis. Clearly this is a night of honesty.
Reports of my death were greatly exaggerated.
Their first impression of me was that I was completely naked. So yeah college hasn't even started yet and I'm already that person.
He shit in the fireplace
Dear in laws. I am not spending any holidays with you. I dislike your company. A lot.
Randomize
