He better hope I dont die soon. Because I would haunt his bitch ass and cock block 24/7
everyone knows he gets back in a week and after that i'm not sleeping around anymore. it's like i have a expiration date.
the way i see it him paying 500 bucks for my fake abortion is karma's way of punishing him for cheating on his wife
We're listening to the crystal method and doing bong hits for jesus
How are you texting me from 1998?
Dude i was hungover i didnt know she was in the shower, she screamed i screamed we all screamed and i just so happend to piss in the shower.
I am only moving my arms so I remember that I can. These brownies are wild.
You were laying in bed whispering and crying to the half eaten burrito saying "why am I shitting so much" and "what did I do to deserve this"
Also, I guess I made friends with the guy who caught me peeing behind a bush.
PLEASE. I won't throw up on the floor this time. Or fuck in the bathroom. Or dance on the pool table. So PLEASE.
how did operation slutty penguin go?
pretty epic. there was a guy who was also dressed as a penguin. i asked him if he would keep my eggs warm while i went fishing for the winter
Everything I own smells like cigarettes and victory right now. The smell is never coming out.
I can't believe I came last night staring into my profile pictures eyes.
As we were leaving a memorial service last night he turns to me and says, is it too soon for a post funeral blowie?
Text me later if you aren't dead and wanna have a drink later
His dick is a spiritual experience and meditation is very important to me.
Randomize
