this kid at 40 friday greeted another kid by saying "heeey farmville neighbor"
dude.
yep. needless to say i didn't meet anyone and spent yet another friday night masturbating.
you made wolf sounds and yelled "team me" the entire movie
he opened the microwave and beer cans poured out
coming out of a blackout being surrounded by Disney police was not as awesome as it sounds.
I'm reciting my presentation (beer in hand) on the porch to a snowmen audience.
I literally recorded a toilet flushing to make it his ringtone to remind me what a piece of shit he is
come back what if one of your parents walks in and im just sitting here eating a cheesesteak without you
"So you think you can dance" turned into "so you think you can run and slide across the bar"...Jack Daniels wins
Haha! I've never met his girlfriend, so my main focus will be not saying,"you're the only person in this room that doesn't know what my vagina feels like."
I. Did. In fact. Sprain. My liver. This. Weekend.
My aunt comes over, haven't seen her in 4 years. First thing, looks me up and down and goes "...yup, that pair ripened nicely. Theyll get you some free drinks"
I think you were raised by the wrong sister
Look on the bright side: Now that I'm sleeping with both the exs it's good bye to drunk sexting the 'wrong one'.
Wow I got tittyfucked by the American Dream
He lit my hand on fire and bought me chicken nuggets. I'm in love.
I just made myself 3 peanut butter sammies because I was too hungry to watch porn
Randomize
