I'm gonna keep this simple. I threw up in your pillow case. Sorry.
the $50 fast cash from checking button should just be retitled "8th of weed"
I just wnated to let you know that I laminated my history notes so i can study in the shower.
the last 2 times weve had drunk sex ive had to get the morning after pill.. he's turning into a real expensive fuck buddy.
You two were too busy to notice that his used condom landed on me when he threw it.. Thanks.
running the faucet water is not hiding the sound of you vomiting. fyi.
And I'm also limping. I just wish that I had self control. I'm 23 for fuck sake and I'm sitting at work, with mascara down my face, vomit on my clothes and an unknown black substance on my tits. How will I ever find my Greek husband if I keep this up?
Definitely want to eloquently cunt punt those bitches thru the field goals of life.
can you just act like it's not so easy to get a blowjob from me??
Props to the guy on crutches playing edward forty hands. Dedicated to drinking games is an understatement.
When my parents ask if I met any nice guys in California, I'm going to answer, "No, but I have gone home with alot of nice girls". Too much, too soon?
So far I've taken two naps, went out and bought a pizza called the Hipster, and in 15 min I'm gonna make a snow angel. Conquering Snowlandia. How bout you?
You know you've found a good drug dealer when he's willing to overnight mail to you in another state...
Dealing with people is so much easier after you've had an orgasm or 4.
Thank you for always being there for me.
Sorry wrong derek... Do u have any weed?
Randomize
