mornings like this make me wish i was morman.
The Lord gave Farrah Fawcett 1 wish when she died. She wished that all children in the world would be safe! The Lord granted her wish and killed Michael Jackson.
mmmm my 21st bday fucking sucks all my best friends are pregnant...selfish assholes. they just couldnt wait til after my bday.
After he called me a "spirited little girl" I realized that I need to stop sleeping with guys more than ten years older than me.
This girl did not understand, once police sirens go on, road-head needs to STOP
If I sleep with another Spanish guy it is officially renamed my senor year.
Come over, I want to eat cookie dough off your dick.
He insisted he brought his alarm clock everywhere, and then the girl screamed "fuck French people!"
When you see a guy in a wheelchair try to be cool and pop a wheelie, and then fall over backward and hit his head, is it funny or sad?
Anyhow, I am sorry for being obnoxious about wanting more sex and forcing you to eat lunchmeat off of my ginormous nipples. I knew that you weren't going to succumb to my pushy demands
I don't care that you had sex on my bed. I care that you used my lollipop condom. I was saving that for a special occasion
It was a special occasion. Your best friend had crazy awesome sex on your bed. Thank you
I hat to flip my "days since last bad decision" chart back to zero. So...yeah. Sigh.
like, is this a date?? I'm sitting on his couch drinking a juice box while he makes taquitos in sweat pants
Plus you get to call him out on being a dick. It's more satisfying than ever sex I've ever had.
How did I end up with the cock ring?!
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