so he expects you to be his vegas whore for the season. nice.
i was puking in the toilet, he walked in and to talk to me and started puking in the sink.. Could this be my perfect man??
It's official. I'm a squirter. Wasn't a one time thing.
i was calling myself "cat the lion" and tried eating the computer mouse because i thought it was "my prey"
I found a sock full of anal beads in my dryer. At least she washes them.
yeah i didn't know anyone, but i just walked in with a lit sparkler and wearing a budweiser shirt and someone handed me a beer.
I just found a piece of glass in my ear from Saturday.
This is going to be one of those "I can only do this high" classes
You were crying in a drunken stupor for an hour because "the new daft punk album didn't blow your tits off"
My cousin is passed out in my room, so I just masturbated in my walk-in closet. Apparently I get off on danger. Make note of that.
Remember when you walked in on me sleeping INSIDE a pillowcase?
I am now picking what guy I will hang out with based on how many Pokémon they live near.
She wanted to get out of there before you guys woke up so she wouldn't let me find my underwear. Lol So I apologize to whoever finds that in your room.
They just made me take another shot and I found out the liquor store next to my brothers house has a petting zoo
Mind. Blown.
I've never seen anyone as high as you were.. you collapsed onto the kitchen floor hugging a tub of ice cream. You named it phil.
Randomize
