The 3 of us think it's time to start drinking.
3?
Me, myself and I
Nakedness is not a toga. Just sayin
Just checked my missed calls... why did you call me 37 times from 2:14 to 3:58?
Ever since I discovered that youporn works on blackberry, my brickbreaker skills have gone to shit
All i remember before i blacked out is you pointing to a random chick and telling me to bang her for America.
he seriously made his penis a facebook.
Jim came in did 3 body shots of her she said "I like your tongue" and they left. I swear to god its deja vu he's done it before
I'm playing a little game called "how many shots of jack can I take before I become a shit show tonight". All front row seats are sold out.
During breaking dawn, he leaned over and asked me why she would have to worry about her period since she essentially just married a walking super-absorbant tampon... It was the best way to ruin those movies for me.
Pounded a bottle of Moscato in my underwear while watching Pretty Little Liars...am I really gonna be 30 next year?
The problem I'm having with looking for jobs while drunk is reading is really hard
If I walk downstairs and Kelly is fucking in the laundry room again I'm gonna die
Is it weird that sometimes I like to have sex for the health benefits and workout more than the pleasure
Haha just talked to the dude you bit on Thursday. He has been growing a beard to hide the bruising....
I'm still here... I feel so bad wearing your mom's cardigan at a strip club 🙈
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