My kitchen smells like failed pina coladas.
This dress was meant to end up on your floor
she always made me post sex PB&Js it was like fucking a trashier Martha Stewart
You better have your party panties on Saturday!
Why only Saturday?
Well I have an AA meeting Sat morning so I'm going to try to take it easy Fri.
both the worst and best vomit ever... it was extra chunky and thick cause of the sausage... but it also tasted like delicious sausage... also cause of the sausage
Hey man sorry, can't talk. I'm already taking risks by ripping the bong on this conference call.
i should teach a seminar on how to fall off the wagon
The last thing I remembered was laying in the bathtub fully clothed with the shower running while he was picking grilled cheese out of my hair. I couldn't figure out if i was more upset about being soaking wet or the fact that my grilled cheese was in my hair instead of my mouth.
don't tell me about being eco-friendly. i just threw up in the same bag i bought my liquor in. RECYCLING
she left with her roommate. or at least i think she did. but i also just thought i ate candy corn but i'm hal convinced it was candle wax.
Cat. Why do you sit on things I need to use.
Because it is cat.
Made eye contact with a friendly neighborhood dog walker while violently puking out the window. How's your Wednesday going?
I'm trying to get WebMD to diagnose me with a hangover
Who knew I could feel anymore shameful at the bar than i usually do...I think my bartender recognizes me from the walk of shame out of his house after i hooked up with his son yesterday
He brought me flowers and then spanked me with a Doctor Who paddle. Pretty good night, as these things go.
Awwwwwww!
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