I dumped him because he's never seen star wars. I'm certain I did the right thing.
Jail wasn't bad. Was poppin Xanax the whole way there
I think my cats understand what porn is. And it's all my fault.
I just rolled over in bed and felt a bump. Turns out it was a lil nug. Talk about being princess and the weed.
you left the hospital looking like the grudge, your mom and I were pushing you in a wheel chair and you yelled peace out fuckers.
LET US USE OUR GENITALS TO CELEBRATE THIS VICTORY
I dont know it just seems wrong to fuck her on my exes back porch
You told the bartender at least five times that you were naming your son "Jagermeister" but you would use the bartender's name "Fernando" as his middle name. You were drunk.
Hes done the math! Hes calculated how much sex it's going to take to fuck 365 miles. Now thats a little brother im proud of. New resolutions are a go!
Thanks so much for having me, I'm really sorry that I almost caused your dog to catch on fire and also for breaking your doorknob
I just moved my 11am hair appointment to 8am so I could blackout at noon. Who am I?
You grabbed my shirt and said, "hope you're not attached" and ripped it off before I could answer you.
I feel worse lying to the guy I hooked up with than I actually do for cheating on my bf
i mean ive seen your left buttcheek how much more bro can this get
hey i'm sure you are probably asleep bc you suck and think sleep is necessary to live or something?
Randomize
