I was just walking through Burbank and saw a hobo using solar panels on his shopping cart. We must be in trouble if the hobos are researching alternative sources of fuel...
are you so shy because you have an std?
Can someone please explain to me how I got rugburn on my tits?
It was like what a highfive between zeus and Jesus would sound like
he just fed my chickens on farmville...i guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex<3
So the next morning, she had to tell her kids we were moving furniture around all night.
Obama is so hot when he ends wars.
Glow parties are what I live for
Your priorities in life astound me
get ready to load up the weird cannon and blow a load of buck-wildness all over the place people
I'm having a martini with dinner. A new level of class.
I'm stoned and eating mustard, also a new level of class.
i need to stop meeting underage girls and letting them into the bar. i mean yea its a surefire way to get laid without having to tell them I'm 26 but i feel like as a bouncer I'm focusing on all the wrong things
This day took a left turn at "This is your going away party, I got a bunch of blow."
WHY WOULD YOU SWIPE RIGHT???!!!!!
The same reason I ordered and ate almost an entire pizza last night
my birth father cheated on his wife with my birth mother. it's literally in my blood to be a home wrecker.
I hear my roommate snoring and I feel bad for his girlfriend but then I hear them having sex and I guess it all works out in the end.
Randomize