I assumed she put out when I heard her friend call her "dickbutt"
Brutally Honest is my real middle name, Princess just sounds better.
NExt question... Do i wanna sleep under my palm tree
YES.
one of the service guys here said i licked ranch off your face lastnight
I'm really not interested in hearing from him. Unless there is casual sex involved
I wanna get shitfaced and yell about Tim tebow
I woke up to the sound of gentle rain, only to realize I was laying under a urine trough in the men's restroom. Fuck you, bourbon. Fuck you.
His search history includes homemade sex toys and a plunger. I'm scared about what goes on in their place.
Serious questions. Who is that girl? Why is she wearing a tiara? And why does she keep asking about penis piercings?
I went eBay shopping last night. Turns out I brought a Viking drinking horn. I can't even be mad.
I came in shy and timid. By the end of the night I hulked out broke two lamps, their coffee table, some plates, and still had sex.
Also I'm at the pub and there are old lady pirates gyrating on a pole. I wish you were here.
I'm home, and it turns out she didn't get it all. still picking Oreos out of my pubes.
So I'm getting really old. I feel asleep for a booty call that I initiated. The struggle is real.
just found out that my aunt grows weed. today is a good day to be me.
Randomize
