She said she didn't have time to shave "there"
Then she shouldn't have had time to order the lobster.
Thinking about fake proposing to my gf just so the middle aged women next to us will buy us drinks
trying to line up a DD for St Pats Day. i guarantee i will put out. or puke and pass out. really its 50/50 at this point.
I have jerked off in every room in your house. *the more you know
I would think I was a stalker too if I wasn't myself
I feel like a blind man at a water park. Every step has the potential to be either fatal or lead to accidental, but totally enjoyable, sex.
I was having the most awesome dream about onion rings and you hit me and told me to stop touching you...WTF?
Well it's official... The first guy I ever gave head to now holds 2 world records. Should I text him asking if I can try and break my record?
Annnnd I didn't even notice there is a guy dancing in a jock strap beside me. That explains girls smiling at me
Someone just got pizza delivered to the liquor store.
I found you laying in a field of grass near the trail I jog on in the morning like a drunken Bambi.
Naked and Afraid: Hangover edition
that awkward moment when you use blowjob jokes as a segue into coming out as bi
I think my life is a one-way ticket to blackout city.
that's the second time my extensive knowledge of taylor swift has gotten me laid
Randomize
