from now on, im only gona ahve sex with my boyfriend.
I just followed a trail of feathers and glitter to class. Today better be fucking magical.
so i just drove past a racoon and a kid on a long board... god i love 4am white castle runs
Pretty much knew it was gonna be awful when the extra condoms she had from her ex were entirely too big for my dick
Paying 5 grand for boobs is saving me like 10 grand in weed
The highlight of my night was definitely explaining the bandaid on my nipple.
Please delete that video of me blowing you. I will repay you with 100 blowjobs even better than the one I gave you during that video. Please. I am gonna be a grandma one day.
I figure hes like disneyworld. You know youre only going once or twice in life. Might as well have fun and ride the rides
We passed my parents while I was giving him road head...that awkward
You were supposed to behave this weekend.
But... naked.
We need to talk about your improper dealings with the town drug dealer.
WOKE UP NEXT TO A PLATE OF MEATBALLS HAPPY MONDAY
Do you know anyone else that comes home with unexplainable injuries as many nights a week as we do?
Wow. Ok who would waste Game 7 ticket on kids?!
Poor parenting at its best
I gave Sophia a glitter bomb for Christmas. And before you ask is because she pooped in my cat litter box and then drank all my liquor and didn't pay me back and refuses to acknowledge that she had any wrongdoing. So she gets to clean up glitter for the next 10 years.
Randomize
