omh. i just found SHIT IN THE SHOWER! who the fuck does that? and why do i always seem to find it?
tonight i'm making a christmas tree shaped shot pyramid
I took chris brown's side in the conversation ... cut to me not getting laid tonight
Don't pass out before midnight like you did last year. See how much your year sucked
Must be January. Theres a fat chick on an elliptical wearing khaki capris. Someone doesnt own any workout clothes
basically at this point ill snort whatever you put in front of me and just hope
I love you. Thanks for all the blowjobs.
I JUST WANT TO HAVE MILDLY SOCIALLY ACCEPTABLE SEX WITH HIM AND CALL HIM CUPCAKE.
I just found out the guy that lied and blew me off got arrested, his mugshot is online. Life is good.
That was the night you tried to convince me you threw up your sould because your throwup was black
It was all fun and games until she said "you're so pretty I wanna punch you in the face" and the proceeded to punch her in the face
I'm somewhere between crying and wanting to orgasm.
I ask him how he's going, like life and stuff, and he responds "20-0 pats"
She is getting high and watching the Hobbit. I want her life.
So she is basically watching her own life story: short people traveling to strange places.
I need to bang the neighbor boy. He’s given three women screaming orgasms this week alone.
Also, my apartment walls are too thin
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