she pooped in my shower. pooped. woke me up and said she thought she farted but it wasnt a fart i went back 2 sleep and found it hours later. no longer hooking up w chicks my moms age.
when she said she would show you her other bow, she ment she wanted you to bend her over and see the tattoo on her lower back you idiot
My cousin just asked what abortion is. Happy Holidays.
just threw up in the bus full of other international students just outside of boulder, just keeping the aussie reputation alive
Being this Hungover on Easter has brought my closer to Jesus... I swear he had to feel shitty like this after coming back from the dead
Also, I once came to the conclusion after this one boy, that her pleasure condoms are a college boys version of flowers
The police scanner is talking about you again....
I'm using the size of your dick as a guage to see how big something is on Amazon. Any questions?
The fact that he is from Canada is way more embarrassing than the fact that you met him on match.com
I cried and ate like 6 tacos in the taco bell parking lot at almost midnight, sober, alone, listening to a demi lavato cd. And that was the good part.
Breaking a step ladder over someone's back turned into a really fun game, way too quickly.
So "I hate myself Mondays" has extended to Tuesday this week. I just had peanut butter and a glass of wine for lunch.
I threw a dessert topping at a baby tonight so drink up! If you stay sober tonight I will be very disappointed in you.
So you're mad that I let you go home with the guy with soft hands but yet you can't understand that I was just trying to help you
Got baked and laid and ate baked lays when I laid down while baking the brownies I I’m Superman
You’re still high, aren’t you?
Oh yeah
Randomize
