What are you drinking?
Shitty Coors light. OM NOM NOM TASTES LIKE HIGH SCHOOL
I am currently trying to use a tide to go pen to remove the jizz from my backseat, it's not working...
I am spending my work day planning my weekend drinking schedule
There are walks of shame and then there are walks of what the hell is wrong with you.
I think im gonna have to stop sexting on the metra. The middle aged businessman behind me just leaned over and whispered 'dirty girl' and highfived his seatmate.
I've gone to the bathroom 3 times. And forgot to pee. 3 times. Let's say we call it a night, I need to be found. I see a fish tank by the bar and some stairs.
It wasn't the stripper that gave you the hickey but I just figured out who did
I think I just sold a snake to a stoned teenager.
She bent over while grinding on me on the dance floor and her thong straps were hanging out, I thought it was a good idea to grab the straps with both hands and pretend to be riding in Santa's sleigh...not my brightest moment.
I left myself a note saying 'buy a hamster but not an orange one like this pen'
omg so drunk
My VP dropped me off at the Strip Club in Houston. Just said "I was never here".
I woke up and my pants were in the kitchen but my shoes were next to my bed. Do the math...
I told him I wanted to fuck him and he hasn't texted me back in 4 days...am I missing something
I had sex with a boy who lives in a closet, that's like having sex with Harry Potter, right?
I’m really regretting these suede pants.
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