I have demons in me.
The sex was great until she started shouting, "Succeed!, Succeed!" Then it was like I was fucking a motivational speaker. Awkward.
And as you crawled into the bathroom last night you repeatedly said "I know the routine".
you told the bartender not to open the bottle because you were gonna put it in your purse in case you get cut off later
Also, our mothers are placing bets on which of us will get pregnant first.
Apparently we had sex last night, and then I made him drive me to the beach so I could puke in the ocean.
im not sure if this headache is from the car accident or cocaine withdrawl
Doing Jager Bombs on a Sunday morning is justified...How else is my team going to win?
That chick who made out with a door is here. Want her number??
it's my birthday, i should be around people i want to fuck
Nothing says "future AA member" like bonging 40's out of a plastic flamingo.
I have a fever. Last thing I need to do tonight is be elbow deep in old lady pussy.
What happened after I vommed in your shirt that I was wearing and threw it out the window on the highway?
I DIDN'T WATCH THE PILLSBURY DOUGH BOY PORN!!!!
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
Randomize
