Well how sick are u. Ive got a good immune system.
my boobs are a 3G dead zone. as soon as i take my phone out of my bra, it has a signal again.
Why the fuck do they always fuck on couches in porn?
Don't ever text me while you're jacking off. EVER.
You said I was the most beatiful preggers youve ever seen...im not pregnant
then she said "on the count of three I think we should apologize to eachother"
Every time a song comes on I get sad if glee has not a cover of it
Caught my drug dealer jacking off. I think this is a new step in our relationship
He confessed to putting dry erase marker dots on my vibrator to keep track of when I "electronically cheated" and then passed out.
I will never swim in a flooded basement again..
Penises. Penises everywhereeeeeeeee. Penis ratio is sooo disproportionate. I can't NOT get laid tonight.
I'm pretty sure the guy in front of me at Walmart doesn't have good plans. It's one am he is buying a flash light and black bandanna
I can feel my pain tolerance has shot up right along with my libido
Spending the night with him made me realize that stupid people both irritate and fascinate me, so I'd say it equaled itself out.
too bad we didn't bet. my 38-1 tears would have made great lubrication for a blow job.
I didn’t say it was classy, I said it was sexy
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