I fink we're distracting them from bumping the proverbial uglies
No jewlry, no bra, and no pen. I couldnt be more prepared for a friday morning class.
He passed out. Woke up long enough to declare himself "the sauce boss" and then bit me in the face.
She started ignoring us once we told her we were out to celebrate your abortion. Who knew strippers could be judgemental?
We sat on the porch laughing about hilarious the sunrise was. And that we can do drugs again in the morning, thank god
Well at least he is okay. If you call the fetal position in my living room floor "okay"...
he pulled a $400 bottle of champagne out of the back part of his toiled and I was ready to blow him then and there
Remember, ur body isn't a visitors center
I feel like Captain Morgan shit all over my hopes and dreams last night...
I just had a twenty minute discussion about endangered breed dog breeding with an Extremely drunk guy
So many questions...
I didn't even know his name until he texted me the next day and told me I should take a plan B pill. Thanks Danny.
Im so drunk and the cops showed up so i ran on all 4's through the woods because i had no shoes hoping they would mistake me for a fox
just said thank you to the lady who gave me a body search at the airport
Apparently my hair turned out really good because I got my butthole licked by a stranger last night
It's so obvious he's evil. I mean, would a non-evil person have facial hair like that?
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