I love how girls just decide that guys who don't like them must be gay
I do the same thing. If a girl doesn't like me...I am like, "i must be gay"
you traded sex for a burrito?
What happened to the watermelon?
You fucked it.
I'm someone's dream girl. I'm hungover in this guy's bed wearing ONLY a Brian Westbrook jersey. Not the same I was on a date with last night.
I have a page in my 2010 scrapbook dedicated to pictures of his cock.
IT'S FRIDAY. So quit being a pussy, get out of bed, and come help me drink these 40s. That's not a request.
So hungover. They actually hid easter eggs around me.
Seriously... Things should be way more awkward... The entire female half of the bridal party INCLUDING THE BRIDE blew me in high school....
The cop let us off with a warning because I had more Twitter followers than he did. The future is terrifying.
Nothing says I love you as your fiancé bringing back home your drunk brother from his own stag party
Soooo I think my neighbor just saw me masturbating on my porch
I'm never celebrating Galentine's Day again. It was a whorrific mess.
Heeyy... sorry I got so drunk. You probably don't ever want to see me again. Thank you for dealing with me when I tried to jump over the deli counter for some mayonnaise.
I literally heard an 'oh my god' when the shirtless Tongan appeared.
I woke up wearing mittens dude
I woke up in my bathtub with the potted plant from downstairs.
checkmate.
Randomize
