Happy Easter!!!
I'm an idiot
I just tried to drunkenly fart the beat of Disturbia by Rihanna
I just want to make him a cookie cake that says "you have no chance with me."
She devotes each year to either men or women. I waited all year for her to be straight, tonights the night.
Just interrupted a freshman tour to ask where the sexual health center is. Figured I'd just give us all what we were really looking for.
You would be married by May if you put half as much energy into getting straight guys as you do into getting gay guys
I need to have sex with you on our hotel room window ledge... This is a need not a request.
How am I suppose to fully love you when you cant even open up and try to fulfill my midget fantasy
The last thing I remember is stabbing him with his diabetes medicine
Their car went through the first bag of wine on the drive up...clearly 6 bags was not enough.
I took 36 pictures of my lava lamp. your weed wins.
I was just too high to be in rapids man. I just screamed for the entire time I was jostling about.
The band last night was really good
That was definitely karaoke. Guess that answers my follow up question on how drunk you were.
Why do you hate her?
She's dating the best penis that has ever entered my vagina.....
Changed all my ex bf's names to "no" in my phone so the next time I try to drunk text one of them it'll basically be like Russian roulette
Randomize
