its like an ocean threw up right in your lap
You tied the party balloons to your nipple ring so that everyone would know you partied.
That's what happens when you let Keystone Light make your decisions.
Apparently oprah and I were in competition to see who's ass could get bigger this summer
i got turned down by a girl after she saw how big my penis was and she said "thats not goin in me"
totally poinked my lawyers daughter in his hot tub last night. i figure getting off is just compensation for not getting me off.
new low: my hungover self just mistook bacon grease for mashed potatoes. worst. mistake. ever.
I opened a jar of Ragu so I could use it as a cup. You tell me how it's going.
I can't in good conscience help you bag a Catholic girl who isn't at least a 7.
My friend wants your phone number so you can teach her how to take a beer bong. She saw you doing them last night and got jealous.
Just tell her to open her throat. I don't want to talk to anyone who is jealous of someone who woke up this morning with a cat in their shirt as a result of that glorious beer bonging skill.
GDI YOU HAVE THE GOD OF FUCKING THUNDER'S NUDES AND YOU DIDN'T SHARE
id like to think im the only pot dealing prostitute that is also an ordained minister. but maybe not. what a time to be alive
Nah, I was done when the Big Pun lookalike began to sob and tell me I looked like his ex...
He's a waste of a perfectly good penis.
So learned a new trick last night.... Taking body shots from my own tits... Mom would be so proud
Randomize
