you're like the ceasar milan of boners... you understand them on a different level.
She was crying and singing Taylor Swift on repeat. I'm never drinking with her again.
High enough to fry lime slices.....tasted like shit, by the way
I only broke up with her because the ex sex is amazing. She will do ANYTHING if i even hint at getting back together
Overdraft my account again. Parents are starting to ask questions. What would go over better a gambling or drug addiction??
Pretty sure the shower sex fucked up my hip alignment... im walking like im 104 today
Come on there are only so many drink coaster sizes nipples in the world
ON A SIMILAR NOTE MY DICK SIZE PSYCHIC SKILLS ARE SO GOOD
Someone came into our hotel room and took our remote
What should I do?
Let's never forget the time I met you while you were running down the street naked and in handcuffs.
He is so pussy whipped she has made him change his name to Toby
I'm really going to need you to stop yelling Campari.
We were supposed fuck one time, but ended up fucking for 2 years.
I may be a complete scumbag but even im not willing to spend a grand and sit on a plane for 24 hours just for shrooms and a blowjob
I am talking to a naked lesbian about robots. I think this means I win life.
Randomize
