You smell like a Billy Joel song
i wanted to be an indian when i was a child. apparently you cannot grow up to be an indian.
Woke up. Made a pizza. Burnt it. Going back to bed cuz today sucks
so i used to love airports for the escalators... now its the bars... then the escalators after the bars
Apparently I did my philosophy paper last night. It's not bad either.
I just got a flashback from Saturday night of you helping me wash my feet in the bar's bathroom.
Walk-of-shaming home in that dress you got arrested in. Six guys called out your name when I walked past. I've never been more proud of us.
He calls it "his noble steed" and i plan to ride it.
That's the last time you suggest we can get our tab wiped by out-drinking the bartender.
It was my card, so what do you care that you lost?
Is your card paying for my plan b?
I ripped the door frame off last night too. Just remembered.
Guess who was PASSED OUT ON A BMW. I shit you not
Stop it right now
This time face forward
I pulled up iMessage on my computer and I'm pretty sure two people in my class saw that dick pic you sent. Sorry!
It's amazing how hard it it while drunk to not comment "fuck you" on dumb peoples' statuses
I didn't pay $79 for lingerie for you to cum in 30 seconds
Oh god I just had an orgasim riding my bike. I need to get laid pronto.
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