She's been divorced three times and use to raise cock fighters. Of course I'm interested in her
I found a map from his room to his bathroom this morning in my purse. Apparently I was too fucked up to get there without one.
can we meet up so i can piece together the end of my night? for instance, did i jump or fall into a plant?
I incognito puked under the VIP table. Did Jersey proud.
I just watched nsync videos for the past half hour and you could totally tell lance bass was gay in all of them
I drove 5 hours to see her. She thanked me by getting shitfaced, inviting her boyfriend over, and making me sleep on the couch after I cooked for them and did the dishes. You're right. I'm a fucking doormat.
Dude you made a rodeo shot in beer pong won the game then got in the hot tub poured beer all over the side and screamed "hot tub time machine!"...
This hangover makes more sense now
Survival tip #3: while you're hooking up with him, don't say he reminds you of his brother
My dating life has become some fucked up hydra of dicks; you cut one off and two pop up in its place.
The fact that you're allowing Santa to dry hump your ass is sort of a dealbreaker
one of my coworkers wanted to look something up on YouTube on my tablet. I didn't know how to explain why my most recent search was "girl fucks dog."
He said he cried as he watched porn yesterday; I'd say he's taking the break-up pretty bad....
My diet has been 80% Fun Dip this week, soooo, no. Not good.
Hmmm... I thought we agreed as a group we make our last stand in Philly...
I don't wanna go out like that. Covered in melted cheese smelling like a sewer rat...
I promise your sink was clogged before I threw up in it.
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