New universal law, if a movie has a Rob Zombie song in it, its probably a bad movie.
I'm at a party watching some dude try to eat a whole package of Oreos in 5 minutes.
WHY WOULD YOU LET ME MAKE THAT MUCH NOISE DURING SEX IN RESIDENCE ?!
I tried to push your face into the pillow but then you kicked like a donkey.
I love tequila.
what kind of dress can i wear to my high school reunion that says "even though i'm more successful than all of you i'm still up for sex"?
she spent the whole night flailing her arms because "primates are the only species who can move their arms like that and we shouldn't waste it"
These people keep looking at me like I'm the first person to ever eat ribs in a Home Depot.
On the brightside though, I found the motivation to clean my shower, it was right underneath my need to masturbate in said shower.
Chances are I'll be there for your wedding. Camelbaks filled with jack and coke are appropriate attire, right?
it's been dubbed the summer of antibiotics
You better wipe the dick of your lips before you come smoke this blunt.
so apparently going to a christian rock concert dressed as Jesus is horribly inappropriate.
I wonder if you're allowed to smoke pot at Denver bronco games now...
I may quit my job to go be a costumed Jedi at Disneyland.
He jizzed all over my ID badge. HR is gonna be pissed...
Make sure you wash your hands. That seagull you threw was very sick.
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