dude you need to get laid
me?
no, the other guy who hasn't been laid in 7 months
oh I thought you were talkin about me
wait
Yeah true. Damn vaginas. They're ruining the world.
I didn't even realize you were getting that drunk until bam!
is bam when I fell down the stairs or when I threw up standing at the bar?
He could tell i had a fever by feeling my tits. He gets docter of the year.
It started out just like any other night: was watching a Zach Effron movie, drinking tequila out of a water bottle. I don't understand how this got out of hand.
Let's just say trying to drink my weight in apple pie shots looked better in theory.
My brother is wearing glitter eyeshadow and split leg skinny jeans
You've been usurped as King of the Gays
He pointed at some girls and said "I'm gonna have sex with them girls over there", and disappeared.
It takes a special kind of Adderall to make me go to the hardware store, buy paint, and paint tiny polka-dots on all four of my bedroom walls.
i just got drunk and created an entire Dr Seuss unit for my first graders.
The moment when you go to plug in someone else's phone in your car and your lube is in the way. Don't mind that it's just my center console car lube. Normal.
I'm gonna go parent style on your ass... I don't ask much from you but if you could please just come get shitfaced with me I would really appreciate it
I want you
Nvm, now I want someone who replies to my booty-call texts faster
QUIT BEING A BITCH, DRINK SOME PEPTO, AND PUKE ON OUR FOES
why the hell are you crying over taco bell?
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