remember that night we drank a bottle of vodka and went to mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu, twice?
we can't do that now- first b/c they got rid of that menu and 2 b/c we are broke now. damn this recession.
Dating a girl 4 years younger than you is like living in a Taylor Swift song...
i can barely draw a stick figure let alone shave a heart into my pubes
i just called. the lady was really nice. something tells me my schools clinic gets a lot of calls about chlamydia
I just realized how early it is, you're taking this booty call thing to a whole other level. also, there are altoids all over my room, that was weird
The guy at the Apple store said the warranty does NOT cover getting cum out of the keyboard. I can't believe I believed you.
all my mom knows is what I put on facebook. So... I mean... She knows we drink a lot.
The fact that I'm going to be living with you is starting to make me worry about my heatlh.
Ya that ship has sailed dude
I'm cool with a hey old buddy how have you been want to fuck me in the butt kind of thing
Oh Julie took your pants off last night, I put your pajama bottoms on, and Rachel took your bra off. It takes a village.
Planning a foam party. Swimsuits are mandatory, and please no granny suits. If you wear a granny suit I will stick you in the corner and put a cone hat on your head.
I feel like parents watching our children. You want to step in and help them but you just have to let them make their mistakes
Also, we can't be seen together looking suspicious or sexually satisfied
I consider walking to the bars and dancing my exercise and I buy doubles so my drinks r heavier so that's my arm workout
That’s all I need in life: vibrators, butt plugs, strawberry lube, and sour gummies
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