sometimes i wish i could just stick a turkey baster up there and suck out the blood
I woke up at 2 in my clothes with a defrosted steak in my pocket, no drinky this week at all.
I just used a franzia box to scrape the snow off my car.
You probably havent been upstairs if you think that the microwave missing its door is bad
"reccomended dose" hasn't been in my vocabulary for quite some time.
I'm sorry I ignored your high cries for help while you were grating cheese on my dog.
Just bought a 17 year old 40's while wearing a poncho. This behavior is acceptable until I'm 25.
You can jump from the roof to the pool. Trust me. I have done this before.
I owe you cheese. The drunk munchies don't acknowledge food ownership.
We went to Denny's and he threatened to fight an entire high school track team by himself
I am honestly trying to remember his name. All I can remember is that he had a weird mole, a daughter and a lot of cocaine. Please stop letting me pick up at gay night.
I was weirded out when the chunky goth girl and her boyfriend both started eyeing me and wanted to by me a drink.
So, I found your eyebrow, someone glued it in between my eyebrows so I looked like I had a unibrow when I went to work...
Family acid trip. They're welcoming me into the family.
What. The. Fuck.
Family acid trip.
Is she talking about a testicle cuff or just a cock ring? How did you meet this girl?
Is there a big difference?
It’s about the same as the difference between a night of drunken sex with a stripper at the Bellagio and being robbed and left for dead by a crystal meth tweaker
Randomize
