I'm so bored and have no one to sexy text
i just lost my virginity over my 3 hour lunch break..
u hav a 3 hour lunch break?!
i like how the length of my lunch break is the thing that phases u
You peed in my camelbak and said it was a reverse catheter. Not cool.
It must be illegal for me to be this drunk in front of this many children
All I know is she had me sitting on the kitchen floor with her little Pomeranian eating potato chips And shredded cheese. I don't even know dude. I don't even know.
Who is he, asking me if im dtf without a question mark
...
I just ate a dove chocolate and the wrapper said "chocolate: always your valentine" WHAT KIND OF JACKASS WRITES THESE AND WHY MUST THEY MOCK ME?
I'm pretty sure I just discovered what the American Dream is said the person eating a hotdog for breakfast in bed in her underwear
His penis smells like laundry I just wanted to cuddle it
I am gathering blankets and bags of horse grain to pad my truck bed so I have a comfy place to crash when I get home, without the inconvenience of stairs. Or doors. Or walking. But with the refreshing scent of molasses.
I'm pretty sure I just gave myself third degree burns from punching my pizza.
He called yelling about whhhhhhiskey and enchiladas I heard sirens in the background last time I talked to him b
He walked into me masturbating to a framed picture of Bill Murray riding a t-rex
Dad hid the hash somewhere in my room and wont tell me where it is until i clean it. My room is spotless. The hash was on the ceiling fan...
please don't ironically join a cult
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