Outside the community dumpsters: beer bottles and a carton of orange juice. Looks like we were here.
I feel like I spend my weeks apologizing for my weekends.
He fell asleep in the strip club and they paid some stripper $20 to sit on his face until he woke up.
What happened to chicks over dicks?
That rule does not apply to 9 inch dicks..
Tempting. But I already used the alcohol poisoning excuse at work this month. No way he would believe it a second time...
WHY AREWNT YOU HERE SO MUCH FUN STUFF DO IT GET IN CAR NOW caps lock
I just called my mom 'Napoleon bronaparte'. I need to stop hanging out with you.
I dont even care how hung over I am, and how shitty this bus ride will be. That was the best sex of my life and it's a beautiful morning.
I'm riding shot gun after Shawn took a dump in a happy meal box because we were making record time.
Hope I didn't wake u up but I woke up and there is a shirt, boxers, belt and jeans on my balcony, along with a naked guy who claimed to scale the building
Because Kyle had a tattoo kit at his house and I wanted one and all he could draw was a mustache or a stickman on fire
I really love you gals. I'm sorry again. I'm just super protective of my poutine
I just bought spray paint, a T-shirt, and a box of magnum condoms. The cashier refused to make eye contact! Haha
I swear to god, I'm like....the Jedi master of dick.
We met behind our asshole boss's back with the intent to oust him from the company. If this revolution is a success, bring nachoes.
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