Dude that chick had her name tattooed in Japanese characters between her b-cups. I kept calling her Toyota.
Let's roleplay tonight. I'll be drunken diva and you be sexy sober.
IF that's your way of making me dd then count me out.
just saw a girl who had one of those monogrammed backpacks... her initials are VAG. is this a sign?
I think if I could use my boobs as a second pair of hands everything would be ok
I hate when people see you passed out in your front yard and call 911. Like what, you can't take a nap face down on your steps at 4pm?
All i want to do is drink fuck and cry... you dont have to cater all three its more like the saddest choose your own adventure ever
You're such an expert partier. I feel like 22-year-old recent graduates should have to intern with you.
I'm a pro at the other 9-5
Beer is acceptable at 830am if it's your bday, right?
It gives me purpose in life to help fulfill nerdy fantasies. Like I'm doing something good for mankind and having multiple orgasms in the process.
You know your acid trip is going well when the orange you're eating gives you a life lesson
Welp last night I made out with the guy who slices my deli meat at publix. I'm sure there's a joke there but I'm too hungover to find it. Go noles.
Idk you're asking me for advice on dating bro, after I told you I got a convicts number today.
I just turned down the best booty call of my life because I have to make a cheesecake. I guess this is growing up.
I'm a lady who knows what she wants in life, and that's uncommitted dick.
Why are there 17 orders of shrimp lo mein in the bathtub?
Randomize
